Onna Chance

Famous Last Words

Submitted by kyle_gumby@hotmail.com.

"In high school, my friends and I were regular D&D players.. there was -always- a game going. So I kept up with some of the more memorable "famous last words" said by the players before their character bit the dust.

  • "It's no big deal. Really."


  • "Do you have any magic items?"


  • "We can defeat anything!"


  • "Oh. Damn."


  • "Oh, that sucks for you guys."


  • "... attempt to disbelieve."


  • "I will bring defeat!"


  • "I'm attacking!"


  • "I'm running!"


  • "He's nothing."


  • "Nah, we won't take watch."


  • "I'm going to sleep."


  • "I thought HE had watch..!"


  • "Hm.. no good. Critical failure."


  • "I'm pushing open the sarcophagus."


  • "This is a bad call.."


  • "Ah, whatever. It doesn't matter."


  • "I'll leap across."


  • "No! No, I wasn't doing that!"


  • "No, really.. Really? Oh."


  • "I'm looking for anything that stands out.."


  • "You know, anything that might be 'special'."


  • "What do I see?"


  • "I'll use diplomacy.."


  • "I'm a god. A small, fuzzy god."


  • "He's not a threat, go for the dragon!"


  • "Oh, we're so screwed.."


  • "I'm rolling divine intervention.."
    [a note from Faith: Sadly, this has actually happened to me.]


  • "How much will you give us?"


  • "Ooh.. tricky.."


  • "Whatever. I can shrug it off."


  • "I've got plenty of hit points!"


  • "Oh, that's death. For sure."


  • "Let's do it!"


  • "I win!"


  • "So it looks like this guy is pretty rich, then.."


  • "Okay, I'm pickpocketing."


  • "Wow. That's a lot of gold."


  • "He CAN'T notice! I'm a master thief!"


  • "It's fine.. no traps.."


  • "What am I rolling for?"


  • "Why do you want to know my AC?"

    [notes below contributed by taraangelx@ aol.com.]


  • "He's Golden? Could be a tan?"


  • "Oh, He's a Dragon... we're doomed."


  • "Make an Int check... why?"


  • "Ok, I cast Detect magic.. anything stand out?"


  • "I run into the room and put on the necklace."
    (Note: Necklace of Strangulation)


  • "I charge."


  • "I'm Dead... How dead is dead?"


  • Player: So uh, the goblins are all dead/gone right?

    DM: Right.

    Player: Huzzah! Well, I'll go ahead and jump down from the tree now... ::long pause:: OH Shit!! The caltrops!


  • Man my fireball missed everyone.....except me.


  • That's the last time I cartwheel into a room.


  • Alright, bust out the wish ring.


  • I don't need to study.


    • [Famous Last Words below were contributed by Jesse Armstrong.]

  • "(To Angry Red Dragon) Did anyone tell you you had bad breath?"


  • "A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?"


  • "A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."


  • "A red WHAT swoops out of the sky at us?"


  • "A sign labeled `pit'? I walk up to it."


  • "A wish? Okay, genie, make me a ham sandwich."


  • "AGAIN!?!?!"


  • "All that noise we heard and there's only one drow here?"


  • "Awright! I can cast stoneskin! Now I'm invincible!"


  • "Boost me up."


  • "Bow to a Demon? Never!"


  • "But I just got a little prick!"


  • "C'mon guys -- he can't kill all of us!"


  • "C'mon guys...how bad could it be?!"


  • "Can I eat this green slime?"


  • "Can I try vampiric touch on this giant gelatinous cube?"


  • "C'mon guys, it was only a rumor, there's nothing here."


  • "Come on, EVERY evil wizard's tomb has a way out!"


  • "Come on, how powerful could it possibly be?"


  • "Come on, we haven't found any traps so far."


  • "Come on, what could possibly go wrong?"


  • "Comeon guys, it's only an illusion."


  • "Damn It, where did I put that slay dragon scroll?"


  • "Demogoron? Great! Do you know how many exp he's worth?"


  • "Did he say he had Plate Mail +5? I stop running and fight him!"


  • "Does a three save?"


  • "Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you."


  • "Don't worry, he's probably just first level."


  • "Don't worry, the DM won't hose me."


  • "Don't worry, wyverns don't attack unless they're provoked."


  • "Elminster, you old fart, I thought you were really mad for a minute."


  • "Featherball! I mean, featherrrr........"


  • "Follow those lights!"


  • "Go ahead and drink it."


  • "Gorgons? OK, everybody hold your breath."


  • "Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points."


  • "He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"


  • "He looks like a sunburnt elf?"


  • "He wouldn't try that trick again!"


  • "He's only an ordinary 15th level magic user."


  • "Here, hold this rope while I go down."


  • "Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."


  • "Hey, all I need is a two or better to save vs. poison."


  • "Hey, do you guys think that this might just be an illusio...(whack)"


  • "Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit."


  • "Hey guys, where are you?"


  • "Hey, I know a dragon when I see one."


  • "Hey, they're dwarves; me too. I can calm them down."


  • "Hey, this chest just bit me!"


  • "Hey Thor! I'll bet if you'll put your hammer down I can take you on!"


  • "Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?"


  • "Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?"


  • "HEY LOOK!...ARCHERS!!"


  • "Hmm...how do we know you are the REAL Angel of Death?"


  • "Hmm...I'll try Chain Lightning."


  • "I can use my Psionic powers on this Mindflayer."


  • "I can't possibly miss..."


  • "I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly."


  • "I didn't find any traps!!"


  • "I dive through the fire."


  • "I don't care. I have a Ring of Regeneration."


  • "I dunno what a tarrasque is, but it can't be TOO tough."


  • "I follow them."


  • "I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!"


  • "I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"


  • "I kill it."


  • "I know an illusion when I see one."


  • "I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."


  • "I mix the potions and drink."


  • "I never get lost."


  • "I never get to have any fun!"


  • "I open the coffin...SLOWLY."


  • "I pick the lock on the magic shop window."


  • "I run down the hallway alone."


  • "I see HOW MANY wights?!"


  • "I sneak up to the Lich and pick its pockets."


  • "I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."


  • "I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up."


  • "I think he can be trusted."


  • "I think level draining's only temporary. Keep attacking."


  • "I think we can take it down."


  • "I though YOU brought the food!"


  • "I throw a rock at the eight-legged lizard to get its attention."


  • "I try to move silently in plate armor..."


  • "I use animal empathy to calm the charging Triceratops."


  • "I want to check out the magic tome."


  • "I wonder what's in here?"


  • "I'll cast Fireball."


  • "I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror."


  • "I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly."


  • "I'll never surrender."


  • "I'll open it."


  • "I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"


  • "I'll pull the lever."


  • "I'll scout ahead."


  • "I'll steal the 20+ level mage's pouch."


  • "I'll swim across."


  • "I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."


  • "I'll use my taunt skill."


  • "I'll use the wand of wonder."


  • "I'm not going to waste spells on THEM!"


  • "I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."


  • "If I were you, Demon, I would sit back down!"


  • "Is this one really able to breath fire?"


  • "It can't be a beholder, we're only first level!"


  • "It can't talk to us like that!"


  • "It seems easy enough.."


  • "It was a joke."


  • "It was only the wind."


  • "It'd be stupid to trap this!"


  • "Just because you can breathe fire doesn't mean you can push *us* around."


  • "Just one more room..."


  • "Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed."


  • "Let me handle this."


  • "Let's go in."


  • "Let's not go in."


  • "Let's walk this way."


  • "Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?"


  • "Magic is for wimps."


  • "Me first. Me first."


  • "Money!"


  • "My character WANTS to go out in a blaze of glory."


  • "My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me? OK, I shoot again!"


  • "My God will protect me."


  • "Nah...the game's just started....he wouldn't put a fatal death trap in yet.."


  • "No problem. That's easy!"


  • "No problem."


  • "No really. I can do this."


  • "Of course it's evil, kill it!"


  • "Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help but kill them!"


  • "Oh, shit."


  • "Oh these, I've fought them before..."


  • "Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC."


  • "Ok, so there's a few more of them."


  • "Okay, if I max out this round and win initiative next round, maybe..."


  • "Okay, we'll attack the small boulette first."


  • "Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you."


  • "Rakshasas? Quick, break out the poisoned bolts."


  • "So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get his treasure."


  • "So what, I have the artifact."


  • "Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"


  • "Tell me this is an illusion."


  • "That purple robe really clashes with your burning eyes..."


  • "That's only a statue."


  • "The bridge looks sturdy enough.."


  • "The DM's an idiot."


  • "The Fire Drake's tracks go into this cavern, let's go in."


  • "The Hall of Blades? Hey, I've got an 18 dex."


  • "They're only a pack of kobolds."


  • "There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be safe."


  • "There's HOW many Githyanki sleeping bunks in this chamber?"


  • "There's no such thing as a bottomless pit. Everybody knows that."


  • "There's no trap on the door, so let's open it."


  • "There's only 10 kobolds and there's 8 of us. Attack!"


  • "There's only three of them. Watch the one that looks like Death, though."


  • "They CAN'T have initiative!"


  • "They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible."


  • "They're only kobolds!"


  • "This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."


  • "This is a wimp dungeon."


  • "This type of undead can't drain levels."


  • "Those noises are probably nothing."


  • "Trap? What trap?"


  • "Trust me."


  • "Try me, shit breath!"


  • "Wait...Dragons can only breathe fire once per day right?"


  • "Wait! What's deathspell do?"


  • "Was that thunder, or were you rolling damage?"


  • "We charge!"


  • "We killed all monsters on this level."


  • "We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."


  • "We're in luck! The dragon is sleeping."


  • "Well ..., I'll touch it again."


  • "Well, he's OK, Know Alignment works on anybod..."


  • "Well, if you didn't belch, who did?"


  • "Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"


  • "What do mean feather fall wears off?"


  • "What do you mean, 'Green slime ain't always green.'?"


  • "What do you mean, 'How many hit points do I have RIGHT NOW?'?"


  • "What do you mean, `Your wand ran out of charges.'?"


  • "What do you mean, how many hit points do I have?"


  • "What do you mean I turn into a bug?"


  • "What do you mean my axe bounces off him? What's Stoneskin do anyway?"


  • "What do you mean, my spell expired?"


  • "What do you mean, the dragon wakes up?"


  • "What do you mean, the item's not in my backpack any more?"


  • "What do you mean, the Wall of Ice vanishes?"


  • "What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?"


  • "What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!"


  • "What does this lever do?"


  • "What the hell, there's six of us and only 5 type VI demons."


  • "What's a wild-magic zone?"


  • "What's your alignment?"


  • "When nobody's looking, I go back to get some more gems."


  • "Where'd that thief go now?"


  • "Who's the bitch with the spiders?"


  • "Why is this man speaking in sign language?"


  • "Why is your torch flame turning blue?"


  • "Wonder what this button does..."


  • "Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points."


  • "YO! Grendel! Your momma wears combat boots!"


  • "You don't get Humanoid 8th level wizards. He's only bluffing."


  • "You don't look like a mage!"


  • "You may be the keeper of this stone, but I want this stone."


  • "You mean it was a GOOD dragon?"


  • "You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?"


  • "You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"


  • "You've got 80 hit points; YOU open the treasure chest"


  • "Your mother was a Gully Dwarf."


  • "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"


  • "A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it."


  • "Diamonds ... Gold... Sapphires!!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy!!!! Terry...Terry...??"


  • "Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinintesimal."


  • "Garth, you be the anchor. I tie the rope around myself, take the slack and jump in."


  • "He CAN'T put a black dragon against a 1st-level party! It has to be an illusion. I disbelieve!"


  • "Hey, it's only a black dragon, a vampire, and a lich.... and we've got a horn of bubbles!"


  • "How was I to know that that orc would tell the truth about us not wanting to come in here!"


  • "I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."


  • "I'll just fly over the dragon's lair on my pegasus and see if it's still there."


  • "I'll poke it with my sword.."


  • "It's an illusion. No spell can reshape the side of a mountain like that. I disbelieve and walk off the 500' cliff."


  • "It's just a goblin.."


  • "No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it."


  • "Ok, the dragon's asleep. You guys wait back here with bows and stuff.


  • Getafix and I will go up in front of it and cast light on its eyes to blind him, then we'll blow his brains out with psionics."


  • "OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"


  • "Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard."


  • "So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."


  • "So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have a very big militia."


  • "Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!"


  • "That's right, I'm going to polymorph into a pergrine falcon and attempt to land on the back of one of the 12 griffons flying above us."


  • "The huge red dragon is flying toward me with his mouth open? Ok, I roll for initiative with my bastard sword."


  • "The thief is dead, and we got one coffin left to open!"


  • "There's a company of 100 barbarians guarding the pass, and I don't think they want us to cross these mountains...well tough!"


  • "Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me."


  • "Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us."


  • "What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."


  • "What if we drained this fountain that acts as a portal to the elemental plane of water with my bag of holding?"


  • "Ya know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire."


  • "You mean this is only an 'invoke elemental' ring ? I can't control the elemental with it?"


  • "You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore that's guarding the treasure."


  • "No problem I have a Staff of Fire.."


  • "Who cares? I can hold my breath for 16 minutes."


  • *CLICK* "What do you mean, 'The trap WASN'T armed.'? What was that Remove Traps roll for anyway!?"


  • And the ultimate famous last words: "Oops..."




[Famous Last Words below were contributed by MountainDid @ aol.com.]

Legend of the Five Rings

  • I'm gonna set the temple on fire.


  • Does the big ronin dude have his back to me? Sweet! I'll cast Katana of Fire...


  • I'll try to scare Kachiko with my cool-ass throwing stars.


D&D

  • PC: That's it, I'm going after her!
    GM:You're going to hunt a well armed elven ranger with a Robe of Blending at night in a dense forest?
    PC:It's all right, I have darkvision.


  • I FELL off a CART!?


Deadlands

  • My.... Rank.... Is..... (head explodes)


  • Who would kill a librarian?


  • Just don't roll less than a five. (on three d10s)