Onna Chance

Men, Women and People

  1. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
  2. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  3. I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
  4. The way to a man's heart is to saw his breastplate open.
  5. Clones are people two.
  6. Coffee, chocolate, men.. Some things are just better rich.
  7. Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.
  8. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
  9. No doubt exists that all women are crazy. It's just a question of degree.
  10. A real person has two reasons for doing anything: the good reason, and the real reason.
  11. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
  12. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  13. Most people aren't as deep as my toilet bowl.
  14. Real men know the value of duct tape.
  15. Real men wear pink. Why? Because their wives make them.
  16. Despite the proportional number of eyes and ears to mouths, people will talk twice as much as they pay attention.
  17. Some people are like slinkies: not really good for anything... but you can't help laughing when you push them down the stairs.



Extras: [excerpt from an e-mail sent to me]
- The Truth
  1. The nice men are ugly.
  2. The handsome men are not nice.
  3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
  4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
  5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice, have no money.
  6. The nice, semi-handsome men with money think we are only after their money.
  7. The men without money are after our money.
  8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
  9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice, and have money, are cowards.
  10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, have some money, and are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.
  11. The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we make the first move.



The Truth About Men [contributed by moriah_01@hotmail]
  1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
  2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? Shut the door!
  3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
  4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
  5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
  6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
  7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
  8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
  9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
  10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
  12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.  Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
  13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
  14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
  15. Sadly, all men are created equal.


100 Reasons Beer is Better than Women [contributed by flamingsword999@yahoo]
  1. You can enjoy a BEER all month.
  2. BEER stains wash out.
  3. You don't have to wine and dine a BEER.
  4. Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.
  5. When BEER goes flat you toss it out.
  6. BEER is never late.
  7. HANGOVERS go away.
  8. A BEER doesn't get jealous when you grab another BEER.
  9. BEER labels come off without a fight.
  10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a BEER.
  11. BEER never has a headache.
  12. After you have a BEER, the bottle is still worth a dime.
  13. A BEER won't get upset if you come home with BEER on your breath.
  14. If you pour a BEER right, you will always get good head.
  15. You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
  16. A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.
  17. You can share a BEER with your friends.
  18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a BEER.
  19. A BEER is always wet.
  20. BEER doesn't demand equality.
  21. A BEER doesn't care when you come.
  22. You can have a BEER in public.
  23. A frigid BEER is a good BEER.
  24. You don't have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.
  25. BEER always comes in multiples of six.
  26. BEER doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
  27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a BEER.
  28. After you have a BEER, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
  29. A BEER never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
  30. When your BEER is gone, you just pop another.
  31. You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain rod.
  32. BEER looks the same in the morning.
  33. BEER doesn't look you up in a month.
  34. BEER doesn't worry about someone walking in.
  35. BEER doesn't worry about waking the kids.
  36. BEER doesn't get cramps.
  37. BEER doesn't have a mother.
  38. BEER doesn't have morals.
  39. BEER doesn't go crazy once a month! .
  40. BEER always listens and never argues.
  41. BEER labels don't go out of style every year.
  42. BEER doesn't whine, it bubbles.
  43. BEER doesn't have cold hands/feet.
  44. BEER doesn't demand legality.
  45. BEER is never overweight.
  46. If you change BEERs, you don't have to pay alimony.
  47. BEER won't run off with your credit cards.
  48. BEER doesn't have a lawyer.
  49. BEER doesn't need much closet space.
  50. BEER can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
  51. BEER doesn't complain about the way you drive.
  52. BEER doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
  53. BEER never changes its mind.
  54. BEER doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
  55. BEER never asks you to change the station.
  56. BEER doesn't make you go shopping.
  57. BEER doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
  58. BEER doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
  59. BEER is always easy to pick up.
  60. Big, fat BEERs are nice to have.
  61. BEER doesn't pout or play games.
  62. BEER NEVER says no.
  63. BEER is easy to get into.
  64. BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.
  65. BEER doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other BEERs.
  66. BEER doesn't wear a bra.
  67. BEER doesn't mind getting dirty.
  68. BEER doesn't complain about insensitivity.
  69. BEER doesn't use up your toilet paper.
  70. BEER doesn't live with its mother.
  71. BEER doesn't blow you off.
  72. BEER doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
  73. BEER doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
  74. BEER doesn't mind football season.
  75. A BEER won't make you go to church.
  76. A BEER is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
  77. A BEER doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
  78. A BEER doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
  79. A BEER doesn't give a f#$% if you keep a bunch of other BEERS around.
  80. A BEER will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with babies are "cute".
  81. If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
  82. A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson".
  83. A BEER won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
  84. A BEER won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
  85. A BEER won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
  86. If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a BEER, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
  87. A BEER won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
  88. A BEER won't smoke in your car.
  89. A BEER won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
  90. A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmi! ssion.
  91. A BEER will actually *support* belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
  92. A BEER is always ready to leave on time.
  93. A BEER never fishes for compliments.
  94. Some BEERs (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
  95. BEER tastes *good*.
  96. If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the BEER won't accuse you of "date rape".
  97. A BEER won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
  98. An ice-cold BEER will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
  99. A BEER won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
  100. A BEER won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but the BEER won't accuse you of it.)
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